Kara Hill's blog

In front of The Dance Club is Tori's new poster that is also in front of For Every Body. The posters that we made for her that used to be there are now in our big gym that we rehearse in. I love having them there because I'm dancing and then I'll look up above the mirrors and see her face and two posters that say "Pray 4 Tori" and "Fight Tori!" It makes me work so much harder and reminds me of all the great memories that I had with her in that room. Whenever I'm being lazy I just think of how hard she worked, and I work so much harder. Thanks Tori for your inspiration to our dance team! Last years team was truly amazing and we grew to love each other so much, because of you. We LOVE you so much! Love,
Karalou

Kenzie just got me in the mood to finally do this. Just like her, I have wanted to express my feelings for Tori as well. I feel like a lot of the time I hold in my feelings too. And I think its a lot harder that way. We all miss Tori so much. And at dance, its so different. On Thursday in ballet I was trying to talk to Bree and I said “Tori.” I haven’t done that since like a few weeks after the accident. I used to do it all the time. Every time I say it, it kills me because after I say it, I don’t get to see her face or hear her answer “yeah?!” Like Mckenzie said, our team isn’t as close which is the opposite of what we all want it to be. I don’t know why, we all want to be closer, but we just aren’t. We try so hard though. It’s just not complete. There will always be that space for Tori, and NO ONE can fill that in.
On Friday night, I went to the Timpanogos vs. Orem football game. And after Orem won, the whole football team took of their helmets and ran into the middle of the field and jumped together. They were soo happy and I could see how much fun they were having and how they are such a good team...they are all as ONE. It reminded me of Teen Company last year. We were like a sisterhood. We had so many good times where we were just all together, happy and having a good time. Then, we also had our hard times. As I was watching the football team together, I had a flashback from when Alli Holker won “New York City Dance Alliance 2005 National Senior Outstanding Dancer” and company all crowded around her and we were jumping like crazy. Crying because we were so happy. And what made me so sad was that Tori wasn’t there. After all that she worked for last year, she wasn’t able to be there for the exciting part. I remember one ballet class, only three girls showed up. It was Tori, me, and another girl I think it was Annie but I’m not sure. Tori was crying when she walked into class and we were all wondering what happened. That whole class we didn’t dance at all. Our ballet teacher Stacie talked to us the entire time. Tori was crying throughout the whole thing, and when Tori is sad and crying, there’s NO WAY you can resist crying too. We were all just crying along with her. She told us that her mom was going to make her quit dance because of grades or attitude or a cell phone bill too big, or something that was little like that, that we all do. She was hysterically crying because she didn’t want to quit dance. I remember Staci telling her that her mom was actually just trying to scare her so she would be good, and that she wouldn’t actually make her quit dance. But she wouldn’t believe it. She was devastated, and that’s how much she loved dance.

You're going to think what does this have to do with Tori, but I swear it ties in in the end haha.
I went to preschool with a boy named Chase Jesperson. He came to my fourth and seventh birthday parties. I remember being so excited about him being there because he was sooo "hot." I've had a crush on him ever since then. Chase and I went to different schools for elementary and junior high, and we never hung out. Then last summer, Tori was telling me about a boy that she was talking to online. (Of course right, she knows EVERYONE! She had a new boy online every single day.) She said that he knew me, and I asked her what his name was. It was Chase! I was so excited and she gave me his email address.
A few weeks later, (after nationals in Florida) Chase and I hung out. We got very close, and I got to know him really well. Well, Chase is a year older than I am and he went to high school. You know what that means, other girls. So, Chase and I didn't really talk or hang out all of last year.
On Thursday July 7, 2005,(when we were in Nationals in New York this summer) Chase died in a sea-doo accident. He was only 16 years old, and the worst part was, I didn't get to date him in high school haha just kidding. I really was looking forward to that though. I thought he was going to be the one this year helping me out and getting to know everyone in high school. If you ask anyone about Chase, they will tell you that he is the nicest person they've ever met. He truly was the sweetest.
If Tori wouldn't have talked to Chase, or brought us back together, I wouldn't have gotten to know Chase as well as I did. I want to thank Tori so much for helping me get to know this wonderful boy who influenced my life for the better.
I know there is a reason that Chase died, and Tori didn't. I know Tori is here to teach us all a lesson. I know that Chase is with our Heavenly Father to help him do missionary work. I know Chase needed to go, and that Tori needs to stay here and help all of us want to be better. I know that Chase is watching over Tori and comforting her.

Today I was able to see Tori! I wish you could all have this amazing experience! I went with Marilyn Lambright, Mckenzie, Bree Woolstenhulme, and Nate Decker. When we walked in she started crying, and Tim had to calm her down. Tori looked SO much better from when I first saw her, the day after the accident. She is sooo skinny and still tan! Her mom is so cute to her, shaving her legs and plucking her eyebrows...I'll bet Tori didn't like that one. Tori looked beautiful! When Nate walked in, she couldn't take her eyes off him! It was so funny! We told her memories and showed her pictures of herself and we got the biggest smiles that I have ever seen. I loved seeing her smile. I could see her mouth moving up and down, Marilyn said she was trying to talk but she couldn't...that would be so frustrating, I don't know how she deals with it. She kept trying to sit up. It was the saddest thing to see, but the happiest! This trip definetly made my day, and I can't wait to go visit her again! I love you Tori!...We all do!

Hey everyone this is Kara Hill on Teen Company at The Dance Club...in New York. I just wanted to give you an update on how we are doing here. Today, the juniors did their number (that Whitney is in) called 'Numb' at the Junior and Mini Gala. They won the Mini Critic's Choice award for 2005!! The Sr.s number "Hernando's Hideaway" made it into tomorrow nights gala. The Teen and Sr.s number "No Strings" made it into tomorrow nights Gala also!! Because Numb won tonight, it means that we won't be able to win tomorrow night, because there is a rule that the same studio can't win twice. We love and miss you Tori!!