kenzerela's blog

well.. i was just going through stuff on my computer cause i need to delete some stuff.. its slower then tar haha. and i found this and tori sent it to me over the internet... its a song she wrote. its quite good if you ask me.... love ya tori.
love mckenzie

"Just Kiss Me"

Your eyes meet mine long enough to notice
That your left eyes slightly greener than the right..
But cut it short in case someone else notices
Did you notice i held my breath as you walked by?
Did you notice?

Chorus:
Just let me kiss you just once
And I promise Ill make it worth while
Ill show you everything I want to say
But I can never find the words for

As the evening progresses
Isn’t it funny how were the only 2 consistantly close to eachother?
We play it off as just a coincidence
But you and I both know this was on purpose

Chorus

Somehow were all alone
No one else is within earshot
The night surrounds us and pushes us closer
The stars highlight your lips
The wind chill forces our bodies together
Your arms continually find their way to rest on my waist
Mine around your shoulders

Chorus

We don’t have to tell him or anyone
No one else has to know
Take my breathe away ( take it, its yours)
Help me breathe again
No one has to know
Kiss me.. use me
Use me while I still believe you wont hurt me
Take me away.. im all yours
Just do this one thing for me… just kiss me

k well.. i havn't been on this for a long time. i come on... and i love seeing all the pictures, thats the best part .and what everyone is saying. and i always just want to write how i feel and stuff.. but. its so hard. seeing the pictures just like.. remembering the good times with tori. all the fun we had when we played. like i just looked at all the christmas ones.. and.. i miss that. just laughing and taking pictures. laughing at the dumbest stuff... but laughing so hard were all crying. i miss that. i just want to laugh with tori. make jokes.. hangout.. have fun. going and seeing her is great tho.. i just wish she could come with me. there was a football game friday night. and the whole night i coudln't help but think of tori. the time she came to the game in her little school girl outfit and how cute she was. i just wanted to turn around all night and see tori right there smiling. when i first got there.. i looked up .. and far a way i could of sworn i saw tori.. but .. it was just me wanting to see her. i miss her sooo much. dance has changed alot without her. i feel like our team isn't how it used to be at all. were not as close at all. about a week ago at dance.. we had turns with kirra. and like.. in ballet before, i just got thinkin bout tori. cuz she always stood in the skinny mirror in ballet and always the hardest working .and just.. not seeing tori there.. it made me work so much harder tho. like.. i didn't care bout anything. i just wanted to dance for tori. then we had turns next and i was just.. so mad. everyone noticed. i mean. i was just mad. i was so mad tori wasn't there. i was mad i coudln't be with her, couldn't dance right next to her trying to be better then her. and i never could. and .. like.. going across the floor.. i just started to cry. i tried so hard to hide it but i coudln't. i coudln't hold it in either. i was dying. i jsut want my tori back. i hate this. i havn't really talked about it much either. i just.. keep it all in and sometimes it just gets to me and i just die. and i just get so mad. i hate it. i get mad and my mom.. my brothers.. but.. its just all me. i just want to cry to tori. but i can't. so i try to just work hard myself. she has made me work harder in everything now. dance, school, everything. especially dance tho. in ballet.. i just think of tori and it pushes me. and when we to combo's in class.. i just think.. dance for tori and it just makes me really dance how i am feeling and it makes me feel better. i dont care about anything else when i think of her. nothing else matters. i watched the slide show and just watching it made me have no other worries in the world. people were talking to me on msn .. getting mad cuz i wasn't talking back.. but.. i just dont care. i love tori. i miss her soooo much. i just.. want to talk to her about everything thats going on right now. friends.. dance.. boys.. like.. boys. i always talked about tori and she would give me the greatest advice on like.. who i should like.. or not just everything. me and kara were talking yesterday at the pool about .. how when tori first came to our studio.. we didn't really know her.. and like. .during class.. across the floor or doing a dance.. she would just get in your way and hit you and just keep doing what she was doing and it just made all of us soooo mad. haha. but when i think about it.. i loooove that. it made tori.. tori. like. she just danced and if anyone got in her way.. she didn't care. she would just keep going. its how she is now.. nothings going to get in her way to make her stop fighting and getting better. she is more determinded then anyone i know. honestly now.. i just want tori to come smack me when were dancing.. just so i know shes atleast dancing her heart out. so i can just sit back and watch her one of these times. tori.. i love you so much. your amazing. you have impacted me.. and everyone else soo much. i dont think there isn't one person in utah that doesn't know about you. honestly. your a freakin miracle. i love you sooo dang much. i just can't stop saying it. and.. i have never felt like this. i love you tori. please get better very soon and come play with me.. come laugh... anything.. everything. i love you. and hey.. when you do.. were going to have alot to talk about. so.. just be prepared. cuz i am. everyday i am. i love you tori.

yes, i went up today to. and it was so good. i went up on saturday, and its been like what.. 3 days and she just seemed better today to me. she was so happy to see us ,i could tell. i just love that girl haha. . i love seeing her... seeing her just looking at me and smiling. knowing that its me... and i know she does. i talk to her about everything.. i want to tell her so much more. i can't tho.. but i just want to have my daily chat with tori. where we just talk about everything. eachothers problems, boys, dance, girls haha. everything. i was able to talk more normal today... just how i normally would and she just laughed along with me. i love it. we told her how we made fun of her in tap today cuz when we would improv she would always clap and like.. fly her arms haha its the greatest. .and we told her that and she just smiled and laughed. cuz she knows she did do that and haha.. yeah. i know she can hear us. ahaha she woudln't just smile like that. this visit was great. and i know she loves us. when we walk in and she just crys.. she misses us. and i miss her so dang much. i can't stand it. i just want her to know im always there for her. i wish i could just get one of her big hugs i always got. i just wanna give her a great big one. and have her laugh and just talk to me. ask me questions.. everything. today. .she was tryin to sit up.. tim said she was showing off haha.. but i just wanted her to sit up.. jump out and come play with us haha. and of coarse shes showing off.. shes come so far.. heck i would be to haha. well. yeah. i just love seeing her. it just makes my day. she is doing so good. i'm so happy. i jsut love how when we go tim is so dang cute with her. he makes her so much happier to see us cause he makes he excited and tells her were comin. i just love that guy. and maria.. its just like seeing our tori. ya look at her and ya gotta double check. and they act so much alike. i like being around them. they just make me feel better. if i cant always be with tori.. i would want them. there the next best thing to her. i love you guys. thanks for letting me just come up there to see tori. i love that girl.

well i just got back from new york city.. as did we all.. and i just missed tori so much. we had so much fun. coulda been funner with tori. tori was the most excited to go out of all of us, she made us excited.. so it was weird not havin her with us. we did so good tho. and we did it for tori.. every dance.. before we went on we all said a prayer for tori so she would be with us. and i know she was.. somehow.. cuz.. we would not have gotten that far without our little tori. and seeing whitney dance is just like tori.. i mean.. whitney is like just as good as her.. shes amazing.. and i just love that little girl. she is out little tori. i miss tori so much. and i am sooooo happy shes doing so much better. soo so sosos so happy. aww i love it!