i miss you tori

well i just read mckenzie and karas blogs thingys and they both just hit me so hard while i was reading. i havent really felt like i can write what im really feeling on this becuase everything has been so hard i just dont know if saying something is the right thing to say or not. well first of all i just want to say how much i love tori. she has been my best friend for the past 2 years of my life. she was there every second i needed her. everytime i needed to talk to her she would be there. i hate going to school without her. there are so many memoires at oak canyon. everywhere i go there is a memory with her there. everymorning i would walk into school she would be sitting in fron of megans locker with her muffin and milk. she would be eating it and give me her milk everymorning, she knows how much i love my milk haha. we would meet after everyclass somehwere. we had our spots we would see eachother. i miss going into the lunch room everyday. she would always be in front of me getting her food. she would make it look so dang good. i would always try to copy it to make it look good. i used to not be able to eat school food, i would always ask her how she could eat it. me and tor we always go sit in our little corner and school. on friday at lunch it just hit me so hard. i went and layed in that corner the whole lunch. annie came and sat by me but i just layed there. it was so hard not to cry. i really dont even care what people think anymore. in english last week people were asking me about tori. and it hit me so hard that day. i started crying in class. everyone was looking at me and asking what was wrong. its just one of those things you cant really explain. me and tori had so much fun at school. those days that we would decide to get all ready and go to canyon view to see our friends after school. or when her boyfirends would come to our school. when she was with colton, there was a valentines dance and he came to our school and i sat in the car the whole time so they could talk, i kept saying come on tori lets go. but she made me stay. it ended up being really fun. than at the canyon view oak caynon game when she decided to pull a joke on me and say that i won the drawing so i ran in front of the whole school and looked like an idiot and they all just laughed. in biolgy were doing our bug collections right now. even that reminds me of tori. last year when she was doing it she came to my house and we ran around my back yard for ever trying to find bugs. i really dont think we got more than 5. some how we ended up down at cams house talking to the boys haha. then theres dance..dance has been so differant. just like kara and kenz have said. it is just so werid, our team is falling apart. i know it shouldnt, but it is. these past months i havent been myself at dance. i dont feel like i can. it gets like okward and i dont feel as close to my best friends. we should be getting close to eachother but everything is just too hard. i miss tori so much at dance. those days when we had breaks we would go sit in back above the stairs and talk about everything. about boys, friends, school, family, everything. i remember when i first met tori, it was at starlees birthday party when i was in 6th grade. we were playing the game signs, and toris wohle dance team was there from studio one. i didnt know how to play so tori was like " hey how about you watch us play a couple times then you can play when you figure out how to k" i was like what? haha. i never thought i would have come so close to tori. when she tried out at the dance club for her frist year, i remember we were standing in a height line and she was standing next to me. i was the only one that talked to her. it took awhile but everyone ended up loving tori. shes so friendly, she can talk to anybody. when she would come to my house she would always talk to my older brother tyler, they would just talk about random stuff, and i would always be like how can you just talk to people like that. i miss it so much. there was a timp orem game at orem on friday. it didnt feel right being there without tori. and kourtney wasnt there eithar. it was always me kenz then tori and kourtney would always meet us up somewhere. it felt like id didnt have anyone. you never would think this could affect people in so many differnat ways. my birtday is on the 19th of this month, i cant belive it has been a whole year, last year for my birthday i didnt want to have a party because that was a disaster for 7th grade year. so kenz and tori just came and slept over and we had our own little party. i remember going to my door and her running and giving me a big hug. thats all i want for my birthday is a big hug from tori. nothing else, i dont even care. just like kara and kenz were saying, our team really was like a sisterhood. our team will never be the same. everytime i watch srs or jrs dance i just want to cry. you never would of thought this could happen. the night before tori got in accident she was at my house. earlier that day me and kenz were at my house and we just randomly decided to walk down the street. we ended up walking towards tori so called to see what she was doing. kourtney just got at her house and they were maybe going to go to kitos. me and kenz told her to stay there and we were going to walk to her house. about half way there i was like i dont want to walk there, kenzie just kept bugging me to, i get lazy like that, then maralyn drove past us and gave us a ride. we went to toris house then her dad gave us a ride back up to my house and we hungout will all of our friends. im so glad all 4 of us decided to hangout that night. well when abi gave me the disc of our christmas party pictures i just started to ball. that was the best night. we were all there our whole team. haha tori sleding down abis railing, i thought she was crazy, she convinced me to do it. i hit in the side at the end and tori just fell down laughing. all of our snowboaridng memories, porbaby wont be doing that this winter, im so used to going with tori. the best was when we would go to abis house after snowboarding and get in the hot tub or something. the funnest was when we would take our snowboards off and sit on them and just fly down the hill, the ski patrol people would always get mad but it was so fun i didnt even care. everything just reminds me of tori. i was drinking cream soda last night and i had a dang story to that. watching that slide show, it was so good, but so hard to watch. every day it seems to be getting harder because i just miss her more. i love going to see her, i havent for a while. but i need to relaly bad, its just so hard for me to see her like that. tori i love you so much, i cant think of anything else to say, theres to many things i dont know. but i love you so much, i could never say that enough. i love you i love you i love you i love you!!! stay strong, you are my hero!!!! i knew you would do it. just keep fighting, i need you here. your the only person i go to talk to about everything, all those conversations where you would cry and i couldnt keep myself from crying, i miss that more than anything else in the world. i love you!! you can do it, i have more faith in you than anybody else.
love,
nicole babb