Monday and Tuesday, June 18th and 19th

Today marked two years since Tori’s near drowning when her life was drastically altered as well as the lives of those around her. The pain and sorrow of today is equal to that of June 19th, 2005 and has not lessened. I have always heard the saying “Time heals all wounds” but I am certain that this cannot be true because no amount of time will heal the great sadness and pain continuously experienced from our loss. It is constant and will always remain. Two years have passed yet tears still flow each and everyday at the thought of our loss, the obstacles and challenges now faced and the memories of our beloved Tori as she once was. I expect a lifetime of this as well. Tori is so greatly missed by us all and yet she is still with us of course. But at every dance recital, every report card viewed, every letter from colleges offering Tori scholarships, every time we see her friends laughing, full of life and enjoying their lives the impact of what we have all lost becomes first and foremost in our minds. At this point I can honestly state that I can only view pictures of Tori and remain composed. Videos of Tori as she once was are still far too emotional and painful for me to view… Perhaps someday I will be able to watch them once more while accepting the fact that Tori will never be that person again. But I can’t right now.

The toll on our family is immense as we continuously battle depression due to not only our loss but to the always present and never ending burdens and hardships placed on our entire family. We are now far from the traditional family we once were and long for the days of past. There is nothing ‘easy’ about our lives at this point and great sacrifices have had to be made by each of us but the unconditional love and devotion for Tori is always present as well. And for as long as she remains with us we will strive and do everything humanly possible to improve her quality of life. The challenge is truly daunting and there are no guarantees that we can change anything about her condition or life as it stands now. But to not try is completely unacceptable. Tori’s strength and determination will inspire and guide us in helping her recover.

Over the past two years we have certainly seen progress in her recovery and we always expect to see more. At times it is just downright depressing and frustrating as hell when no progress is gained… Or perceived not to be gained is what actually should be stated. Of course we can only observe progress in Tori and we are always hoping and praying that the healing truly is occurring inside her. Sure we would like the miracle to have her back as she once was but that is not realistic and we are not expecting it. Consistently demonstrated cognitive improvements and abilities, better communication and more control of her movement would be great progressions to witness. I would like to believe that those are reasonable improvements that can be achieved. It may take extremely hard work and many years to achieve them but the possibility does exist. It simply must exist. Advances in medical science and technology will continuously occur and they will hold promise for Tori and many, many others. But we need them now not later…

Tori’s tragedy has introduced my family to so many caring, loving, generous and just plain wonderful people throughout the world to which we would have never known otherwise. There truly is goodness in this world and though it is difficult to comprehend given our situation and loss, there has been positive impact on our lives. And I also know for a fact that Tori herself has made huge impacts on the lives of so many others and God willing, she will continue to do so.

With all of our love and appreciation,

The Schmanski Family

Tim, Maria, Tori, Whitney and Brendan